My Calling
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you.” — Jeremiah 1:5
Before me the image of your cross transforms into a flaming heart and I am enveloped in your loving embrace. Peace fills my soul. Time ceases to have meaning and I am bathed in golden light, filled with your calm love, resting in the arms of my beloved, engulfed in the fire of His healing love. As I kneel before you in the Eucharist, my Jesus, your arms embrace me and hold my head to your chest. I feel, I sense the beating of a heart bursting in love for me. I am transfixed. [And when my silent prayer was over, I was amazed to see that I had been kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament for 40 minutes. It seemed as though no time had passed at all.
I have come to understand that I was given this consolation in preparation for a period of prolonged spiritual suffering and almost persecution. It was Jesus' means to strengthen my faith and open my heart to what was to come.
Confirmation came on January 1, 2010, when the path laid out for me became extremely difficult.
Eucharistic Adoration, from which I have drawn such strength and comfort, was abruptly suspended in our parish. To spend time before the Blessed Sacrament meant having to go to other churches, sometimes not always possible.
In this desert, I yearn for your presence and am reminded of the psalm which says,
"Oh God, you are my God, for you I long; for you my soul is thirsting. My body pines for you like a dry, weary land without water So I gaze on you in the sanctuary to see your strength and your glory For your love is better than life... On my bed I remember you. On you I muse through the night for you have been my help; in the shadow of your wings I rejoice. My soul clings to you; your right hand holds me fast. - Psalm 63:2-9
As I reflected on the gift of that loving embrace of your Sacred heart, Jesus, I know you have also given me the gift of your merciful, healing forgiveness. And again, you entreat me, to (Jesus) Love as I have loved you.
Embrace others in my mercy and love in unity with Me. I am calling you to love and unity with one another and with Me.
I have given you my Mother so that she may help you. Follow her example. Say her ‘Yes’ to our Father’s will…She will guide you as she guided Me in my childhood. Listen to her, she speaks for Me. She brings My message of love and hope and mercy and peace to a world that has turned away from My light to the darkness. Listen to her, she will help you.
These words, I believe, are meant for all of us.
The mission came unexpectedly in a message delivered to another to be given to me.
(God, Our Father) My Daughter, open your ears and listen closely to my voice, to the words I speak to you now. Be not intimidated by anyone, but seek always to speak forth My Word as I have given it to you. You have written freely and fearlessly. Now I say to you speak as you have written. Your spoken word must be brought into conformity with the work I have done within you. This you need for your own personal sense of unity. This you need for you own strength. For a house divided against itself cannot stand; neither will you if you bear one testimony in your heart and another with your lips.
If you were to do this you would not be pleasing Me, but trying to please men. In one way or another, the truth will break through. You need not say all that is in your heart, but you must speak the truth out of love for My people or be silent. If you cannot bring yourself to speak the truth without apology, then speak nothing.
Let the life and witness of My Son, Jesus Christ, be your guide. If you are willing to emulate His honesty, I will come to your aid and give you the wisdom also; so that the answer may be not only true but forceful. For the people are blinded by the unseen forces which surround them. They wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against satanic forces.
Set not out upon a mission to convert the world to your convictions, but rather to hold your own con-victions inviolable against the forces of the opposition. I will be with you, and I will keep your mouth. Trust me.
For some time I have prayed and meditated upon these words asking for guidance. The answer comes in prayer either through scripture repeating the same message from various books in the Bible, often confirmed by spiritual reading or the words of the Early Church Fathers. I am compelled to share these words that God has deigned to lay upon my heart in prayer. I do so only after they have been approved by my spiritual director, a dedicated and holy priest who is obedient to the Magisterium and the teaching of the Church. Do with them what you will.
